[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 6

Hellow friends!
It's Saturday finally!
After long days of working, I'm really glad I can stay home all day this Saturday, and to add that the weather is so bad today, it's perfect for lazing around while updating this fic.
So here it is part 6, I hope I don't disappoint. LOL anyways, there's no one reading so It's not concern me that bad.

And big thanks to my friend @sg_bee31 at twitter who made me really good Trailer video.
Hohohoo its really good. I will post the video here, but well somehow it failed.
I will check what's wrong with this blog. I really want to put the video hereeee.

It's hereee



Anyways without further ado, here it is Part 6.

TRIGGER WARNING!

This story contains angst, a deep dark one (abandonment, severe self blame and hatred). So please don't read it if you are not comfortable.Please stay safe and healthy.

You can read previous part here:

[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 1
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 2
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 3
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 4
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 5

Burn - Part 6

Jungkook POV

"You will not experience the pain of losing someone, if you don't have someone in the first place"
I still remember back when I was still in that place, someone ever said those words to me.
And since that time, I crafted that words clearly in my heart and mind.
I decided not to keep someone in my heart.

Because?
I don't want to feel the pain of losing.
Honestly I have no idea of what that pain feels like, because I was alone ever since. 
But all the kids in that orphanage always told their stories, how the pain kills them when their loved ones, mother and father left them alone in that orphanage.

Yeah.

"Love Yourself" Orphanage is where I grow up.

I didn't remember since when I was there.

Perhaps since I was born?

I can not remember
But I kind of relieved that I can not remember a thing, again... I was lucky.. because I don't have to experience being abandoned by your parents. 
I don't have to feel the pain like the other kids in that orphanage.

Listening to their stories, I realize the pain is unbearable. and that one sentence "You will not experience the pain losing someone, if you don't have someone in the first place" really engraved deep in my heart. 
I don't want to feel the pain, I don't want to be weak because of that pain, so I will just not let anyone get in to my heart. 

It's better not to have anyone.

On that sunny day, someone came up to me, It was a man in his thirties. 
He was being brought by the orphanage Mom, I usually called her like that. She introduced him to me. 
And soon after, that man adopt me. I was confused, why he want to adopt me, but again I felt nothing, 
I made my heart felt nothing. I don't want to feel it.

When I was brought to that man's house, it seems like he's all alone. 
And day by day passed, without us talking to each other. then I kept wondering why did he adopt me back then. 
I can't understand. 
There's no point of us playing son and child, when there isn't even any interaction between us. 
I didn't try to reach out to him. I kept thinking he's the one who should reach out to me.

Thus, when he died at that night.

I felt nothing.
because in the first place I didn't consider him as "something"

Is it wrong?
or perhaps I'm too cruel? Perhaps I'm the one in the wrong?

I can't figure out.

I live my life everyday worthlessly, yes, my life was so empty, and I can't help feeling so lonely. Every night I was just walking around, aimlessly, hoping I could find something fun to experience. 
But mostly it was none.

Until that day.

I was walking in front of an old Music Shop, the banner said "Euphoria". I giggled a little reading the name. So tacky, i thought. Why did the owner name it like that? 
It really doesn't suit the shop because the shop is kind of like a broken down shop, to add that the instrument they sell is really old style. 
Why can't they name it a more classier and old style rather than "Euphoria". 

I kept walking pass that shop, until a mint haired boy shows up. He walks closer to my direction, in the other side of the road, across mine. 
Then he stopped in front of that glass display of the Music Shop, staring at that brown piano in that Shop. 
I was curious what's in his mind, I even thought that he plan to steal something, but I realized that that Shop literally has nothing worth to steal.

I was going to continue walking when I saw a car, well most accurately a mini pick up truck stopped abruptly in front of that Music Shop. 

Then I saw an orange haired guys shouted,

"Yoongi hyung, lets go! the police is here!"

What? Police?
What are these guys?
Are they criminals?

I saw the mint haired guy was sighing a bit then running towards the truck, he hop in to the open back of that truck. 
I was bewildered by what I saw, and even considering to call 911, but I was just standing there stared at them.
I don't know how many of those 'seems like dangerous guys' are. But I can see the mint haired one whom I guess named Yoongi? the orange haired one, and the other two were also sitting on that open back of the truck, and of course the one driving and the one sitting on the passengers seat, 

Okay so they're six, it's a lot.

I usually not the kind of guy who really like to get into dangerous situation, but this time perhaps my everyday life was so dead boring so I kind of have the feeling of wanting to join that group of guys. And I don't realize all this time I was staring at them.

I snapped back to reality when the mint haired boy was looking at me and shouting,

"Hey coconut boy! Come hop in!"

I was dumbfounded, who was he calling coconut boy?
Does he mean, Me?
Like seriously, I am not coconut.
But well I don't have time to argue because on the opposite of that truck direction, two policemen were running while swearing and shouting at them. 
Or maybe, at me, because I guess they thought I was one of them.

Damn. 
Screw my life.
I just can't let myself being caught by police. That's my absolute nightmare.

And after that brain processing and reasoning.. I'm running to that truck and hop in at the back of it.
That mint haired guy pull my hands in and help me.
Then, the truck started dashing, and drift away in full speed.

I was laughing and its been awhile since I laugh like that..

It's the first time in my life I experience such a thrilling moment. And I was so happy. 

Its weird because I didn't even know these guys, perhaps they are bad guys or some robber or some sort. 
Or perhaps I have gotten myself into some mafia game or something like that. 
But for sure, it feels a lot better than being lonely and empty in that 'man who claimed as my father's house.

I was still smiling when that orange haired guy whines,

"Damn...we're in troubles, what are doing Taehyung ah?" he said while sighing and look at the guy who has bowl cut.
and that bow cut guy only laughing. Well.... I don't know what are they up to, but it seems so interesting.

"Calm down Jimin ah, Namjoon hyung and I only gave that bastard a lesson, I'm just sick of them. I can't stand a bully that has all that money and power and think that they can do whatever they want. So guess what.. I just screw their cars. " that bowl cut guy answered really enthusiastically. 

Damn these guys are really problematic.

But somehow, I can not say they're a hundred percent in the wrong, well at least they had reasons. 

The orange haired guy, whom I guess his name is Jimin, and the bowl cut guy, guess the name is Taehyung are bickering. 

But mostly the Jimin guy was whining, and the Taehyung guy only laughing non stop. They are a funny duo. Unknowingly I smiled at them.

"So... who are you ? what's your name?" I heard another guy, another bowl cut guy with kind of long face asked me. 

He looked at me while smiling, well he smiled so cheerfully, I was quite taken a back.

"Uh... I'm.. Jungkook" I replied, well giving out my name will not get me into some sort of troubles right? I was assuring myself.

The bickering duos stop their silly convo once they heard me talking, seems like they just realized I was there. They look at me with such curiosity.

"So Jungkook ah, welcome to Bangtan!" 

Out of no where, the mint haired guy shouted and clapping his hands, the other guys also clapping and suddenly the Jimin guy was hugging my back.

I just thought, what are these guys?

What is Bangtan?

But well.. at that time I don't care even if they might be criminals, gangster, mafia or some sort..

Because.. it's my first time to be really welcomed. and part of something..

My existence finally has meaning, I guess.


And since then.. Bangtan was my home..  The six guys were my brothers..
And I started to feel care.. I finally begin to have feelings, some sort of affection and attachment.
I have something I cared about.
They made me begin..

But then.. as the words that engraved in my heart says ""You will not experience how it feels when losing someone, if you don't have someone in the first place" erase that "not" part into positive sentence, I begin to feel really scared.

What if I lose them?

How painful will I feel?

I'm scared.

Especially for Yoongi hyung.

Because I thought I could lose him that day.

It was a usual day.. but that day, most of the Hyungs has something else to do so we can not hang out full team. 
It was only me and Yoongi hyung. We just walk around and unknowingly we stopped at Euphoria Music Shop. I'm still giggling when I read that name, its still too tacky to my liking.

Yoongi Hyung was staring at that piano again. I saw sadness in his eyes. I don't know what it is, he never told us about it.
When the old man whom I guess is the owner of that shop offer him to play that piano, Yoongi hyung just shake his hands politely, but somehow I know he would like to play it.
So I just pull his hands and drag him into the shop, I want him to play that piano. I know he really wanted to play it.

"Hyung, lets play it!" I drag Yoongi hyung into the shop and sit in front of that piano.

Yoongi hyung was really hesitant, he was already sitting in front of that piano. His fingers are ready on top of the notes, but he didn't play it. He couldn't. 
Because at that time, I saw his hands trembled, I don't know what happened to him, but his eyes looks really hurt, badly hurt.
He keeps trembling and I don't know what to do.

"Hyung! are you okay? hyung?" I shake his shoulder, to me.. he seems like falling into a deep abyss.. his eyes looks so dead.

His hands feels cold, and he keeps trembled..

I really don't know what to do..

then some part of my brain which still functioning tell me to quickly brings Yoongi hyung to hospital.

So again, I dragged him out of that music shop, 

I was panicking.. 

should I call taxi? 

or should we run? but I'm not sure if Yoongi hyung can run while he trembles badly.

My mind was a mess, and we keep walking, because I can't seem to find taxi in that area.

I keep gazing at Yoongi hyung. 

Strangely, he seems getting better, and stop trembling, after a moment.

I relieved a bit. But still I think we have to go to hospital, I'm really afraid something bad might happened.

"Hyung, are you okay? we should go to hospital" I said while observing his expression and it seems he's getting better, his eyes started to have life in them.

"I'm okay.. " He said shortly, and he expect me to believe that?

"No Hyung, we should go to hospital" I said sternly, and ready to drag him again, this time to a freaking hospital, because he need it.

But he push my hands away,

"No, I just need my pills." He said, while walking away.

I was taken aback. 

I didn't know Yoongi hyung was sick to the point that he has to take pills?

I was so worried that I follow him to his apartment. Of course, he keeps shooing me away and walking or even running away. 

Sigh... this hyung why he's like that, I can't understand either.

But then, he don't have any choice to let me in once I reached his apartment.

While sighting dramatically he let me in.
And that day. he finally open up to me.

He's been sick, and constantly need his pills to calm his panic attack, and go to psychiatric..
All because of that horrible incident.
He told me everything.
About the fire..
his mother..
everything..
at least that's what I thought.
But it seems, it was not all.

And I was so oblivious.
only if I knew.. i wouldn't have done something horrible as that night.
I hurt Yoongi hyung so bad.
I was the one who drive him to his.... death...

Y/N POV

I never thought waking up late with a sore body was really a happiness for me.
It was because.. when I woke up, he was right beside me..
when I woke up all I can see is his face.. his mint hair.. his cute sleeping face.. his hands which currently still holding mine really tight..
and that words that he muttered yesterday..I still remember it clearly

"I love you"
Those three words succeeded in making me blushed.


"Y/N..... " I heard his raspy voice...

I just smiled, when he opened his eyes, while looking at me. He's too adorable. 

But suddenly I'm really worried.

Did he remember what he said last night?
Did he remember saying he loved me?
or was it just sleep talking?
what if he forget and my heart fluttered for nothing?

Somehow I feel slight tug in my heart and hit some realization. I shouldn't be all fluttered my self, I should get a hold of myself, or otherwise I will be brokenhearted.

And thus, I let his hand go.

"I should get going..... " I said while getting up and I also saw Yoongi getting up as well. 

After collecting all my things, bags and stuff, I look at him. I really hope he say something which can assure me.
What are we now. But he said nothing, so I just keep going to the door.

"Bye" I said, I cannot control my feelings, honestly I feel disappointed. It seems like he forgot. Or perhaps, its only in my dreams in the first place. How stupid I am.

I sigh..

Now this is what broken heart feels like.
Its painful.

I opened the door of Yoongis apartment, I swear I will never come back again, and I hope my brain and my body won't do anything that betray that promise.

Before I shut the door to his apartment, I heard he called my name.

"Y/N... I will pick you up today" He said calmly.

I was taken aback.

Pick me up? what did he mean.

It was probably shook me so bad that I turn my head as fast as lightning, thank God my neck didn't break or something.

"Pick me what?" I asked him.
And he just smiled. Yoongi just smiled with half asleep face while scratching that mint hair of his.

"Pick you up from work... then.. we will have our first date.. " He said, simply. 

And I can't comprehend, because I didn't expect it at all.

"First da... wha..t?" I stuttered.

"I think you will late for work.. " He said while signaling to look at my watch.

And he's right, I'll be late. My boss will kill me if I'm late, and it means I can't have date with him.
No I don't want that to happen.
So I just hurriedly go to the office, but then my mind wanders a lot to him, and I get nervous, because... today is our first date.

Dating Min Yoongi.

Was a happiness.
I really felt happiness when I am with him.
But then.. love is not all about happiness, and fluttery moments.
It has darkness as well, I am well aware of that.
But I believe if I'm with him, we can get through it together, that was I thought.
However, as expected, it was very hard.

Watching him struggling was a very painful experience for me. But, I already promised, i will support him.. so even if he's in pain, I have to support him to keep going, to keep fighting.

I thought that we are fighting together..
But it seems he was in fact fighting alone..

Because my words of support can't reach him..
How can it reach him? 
It's not the kind of words he would like to hear..
All this time, I said wrong words.. the words which even poison him even more..


......
To Be Continued

......

Part 6 DONE!

Please pray for Yoongi's scalp, he's been dying his hair mint through out this story. LOL. And again I was caught in a lieeeeee.
I drag the story again.. and I felt that this chapter sucks.
T__T
Well well, I will write that Yoongi's moment when I'm ready.
I don't know when.
But for sure, I will keep updating.

Well then, see you on next part.
Please stay healthy and happy
Byeeh

[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 5

Helloww friends. Today is Wednesday, it means no overtime day, yehay!. That's why here I am updating this fic. Again, eventhough no one waiting for this update, but still I will update, because I feel like I have to finish this story as soon as possible. But well, my work is my first priority now, hmm well sometimes BTS takes over, so..... without further ado here it is Part 5. Hope you enjoy.

TRIGGER WARNING!

This story contains angst, a deep dark one (abandonment, severe self blame and hatred). So please don't read it if you are not comfortable.Please stay safe and healthy.

You can read previous part here:

[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 1
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 2
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 3
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 4

Burn - Part 5

Author POV

The girl who was abandoned.

Love is a heavy word for her. 

She couldn't bear to say it, 

for the word hold so many promise in which she wasn't not sure of herself can keep that promise.

It's all because the thing love did in the past.

Her first love, her father, betray her.

Her father was an ordinary father, like everyone else father. Kind, loving, caring, a family man he is.

She felt so blessed to have such an ideal family, that perhaps everyone else envy about.

Loving words were thrown at each other in that family, between her father and mother at that time like its their daily routine.

"I love you"

She always hear those words from her father lips. Then her mother smiled followingly afterwards.

She always thought those words were all truth, sincere.

But little did she know, it was all a facade, a facade that tend to break down in a whim.

And in the end, it happened.

She saw it, She heard it clearly that night.

"I love you"

Those words were muttered by her father as usual, but then.. it was not her mother who received it.

It was another woman.

At that time, everything around her darkened and eventually pitch black..

She was confused,

Why? Why her caring, loving father do something like that to her, and to her mother.

She can't understand.

Didn't he love them?

Was the "I love you" that he said everyday was all lie?

Soon after, her father abandoned her, and her mother.

Why he said he love them if in the end he abandoned them?

She always wonders, and asks.

Is it because she was not good enough that her father abandoned her?

If so, she would like do better, she would like to do anything to make her father come back..

But he never did.

He abandoned them

He never came back

And those words she thought was sincere, it turns out to be a lie.

Thus she couldn't bear to say those words.

She didn't want to be as irresponsible as her father who in the end abandoned her.

She didn't want another person to experience that pain, even more her loved ones.

She love.. of course she can..

but she couldn't say those words.

She couldn't bring herself to say it.

But then, it was a mistake which she regrets forever..

Y/N POV.

I always wonders in which part of our life was wrong. Which wrong turn that we take? Which part I need to revise, to make all of these things not crumbled.

My mind always wandering..

In this empty house, tonight I'm alone..

And it's really the worst.

Nothing can distract me from all of my bad thought.

I was staring at the night sky, 

It's cold..

but I don't care..

What can cold do anyway? My heart already bleeding so much, I wish to freeze it.

What more pain can it make? I'm already in too much pain I can barely bear.

I always trying to learn from life, from experience.

But somehow it doesn't turn out well for me.

I learnt not to say I love you easily.

But then.. I was wrong..

I regret that I didn't get to say those words to Yoongi.

Soon after, I learnt to sincerely say those words to someone I really love..

But then.. I was wrong again.

Because I hurt Jungkook because of those words.

If only we could understand someone just by looking at their eyes, perhaps I wouldn't make such mistakes.

If only I could understand him before all of it happens..

before I was pulling the trigger..

Yoongi again.

Yes, he keeps coming in my dreams these days.

I really want him to take me with him, but he always vanish before my hand could reach him.

Does he hate me that much? My heart is in pain again, even in my dreams.

I missed him so much.

I want to hold that hand again, just one more time, to feel that warm and happiness again. 

I would do anything to do that.

But when reality hits me, I'm in pain again.

............

The way he was holding my hands always succeed to make my heart race,

he always intertwined our fingers.

That way, somehow I feel safe.

It was the day after I spent the night at Yoongi's place. Nothing happened that night, which I already expected, Yoongi is not that type of guy who will take advantage of a woman.

I even thought it was cute, the way he left a memo at the nightstand and left afterwards.

That day was surprisingly quite ordinary, office work was still stressful, but then its nothing I'm surprised of.

But my mind keep thinking about him. What did he do? what kind of food he like? what is his family like? what kind of past he has? 

and most importantly, what happened to him at that night? what did he meant by he killed?

My mind keeps wandering while I was going home from work.

It was at the station where I have to transit when all of a sudden, I heard him

Yes, I heard Yoongi's voice.

And its bad, because it seems my lovesick is reaching chronic level, I started hallucinating.

I keep walking to ignore it, but not until I was being pulled, someone tightly grab my hands.

It was Yoongi..

The real one he is.

His mint haired which cover one of his eyes.

And that pale veiny hand of his which now grip my own tightly.

His eyes looked straight at me, flustered.

"Y/N.... why are you avoiding me ?" He asked with his flustered eyes.

No I wasn't avoiding you, I thought I was hallucinating.

My mind speak, but my mouth couldn't.

So I just stare at him. His eyes drew me in again, I was drowning again in him. And its bad, I know.

"We need to talk" He said, and then pull me to follow him. 

I looked at our hands, it's intertwined, and that my tummy feel ticklish, it's weird.

I wonder where Yoongi would take me. But I don't care anyway, because my mind still amazed at how his touch sends this kind of feeling to me. It's dangerous, but I love it.

We were at a park, again, but not the same park as yesterday, when I hugged him. 

The thought of me hugging him makes my cheek burn. 

I'm surprised at my own action yesterday, how can I have the audacity of hugging a man whom I just met three times.

That park was near a beach, where I can watch the vast sea. We arrived at the end of the park, where we can see the glittering sea. It was beautiful.

Yoongi let go of our hands. And I feel somehow dissappointed as soon as that warmth left my hand. 

He was walking towards the handrail, facing the sea in front of him. One of his hand hold the handrail while looking at me.

Again, I was in awe. His mint hair was glittering, soft wind brushes that hair. I feel the urge of touching that hair, feeling it with my own hands. Sure, I'm already crazy.

"Y/N........

"I'm sorry.......

He said, while looking at my eyes. I was still admiring his beautiful hair when he said that words, immediately I shifted my gaze to his eyes. That eyes were staring at me with lot of regrets.

"What for.. ?" I asked, purely out of curiosity, but it seems that my choice of words makes him thinking I was mad about something, which is not the case.

He walked closer to me, now he's facing me, really close. 

Again, this kind of close proximity makes me hard to breathe. Dear Min Yoongi, I still want to live, I was chanting in my head continuously.

With his eyes still locked at mine, he said

"For yesterday.... in the morning.. I just left you like that.. I should have said something.. I should have explain something.. But I just left.."

He paused. I didn't say anything. I want him to finish his words. Actually I really hope he can open up to me, what happened that night, what's really bothering him.

So, I just wait.

He sigh.. and continue his words.

His eyes looks worried and nervous.

"I don't know what to say to you... its just... yesterday... I mean when I did something to you.. uh in that Music Shop.. I'm sorry..

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry for shouting at you and running like that..

I was out of my mind...

because it was a really hard day for me..."

That is the longest sentences I ever heard from him. I can't help to be happy and feeling special. 

Is it okay to feel like this? But then, that feeling already crept to my heart and stay there.

He brush his hair, looking away from me. 

"Why..... it was a hard day for you? " I asked carefully, not to mean to be prying his personal space, but I can't help to be curious, I want to understand him and know all the thing about him.

He looks at my eyes again

"It was my mother's death anniversary" He said shortly.. his eyes.. looks so sad, full of sorrow..

I lost for words, I don't know what should I say to him, to erase those hint of sadness from his eyes. But my brain couldn't come up at any appropriate words.

I was just staring at him again..

How I wish to just give him a comfort hug, but my body wouldn't move.

Seeing how that eyes of him looks even sadder, I immediately know that he lost hope to open up himself to me..because the next words he said was,

"Sorry, it wasn't your business.. so... please just disregard what I said just now... " He said with that disappointed eyes.

No, I don't want this, I want him to open up to me, I want to know him better, please don't turn away.

He looks away from my eyes, widened the gap between us, and how I felt a slight tug in my heart when he does that.

When he was about to turn away.. again my body moves by itself..

I grab his hand tightly.. and pull him closer to me....it surprised me..

He looks so surprised when I did that, in fact, I'm also surprised at myself even more when I said,

"Can I go to your place tonight ?"

.............

It was so awkward.

I cursed my self internally, I want to bury myself somewhere far away.

What the hell happening to me, and what the hell happening to my brain, my sensoric and motoric nerves seems broke already.

What kind of girl ask a man to spent the night (again) at his place so willingly. 

Gosh he must be thinking I'm some cheap girl or something.

I must be out of my mind. I grab my hair, frustrated with my own self.

Fortunately he was out of my sight, perhaps making some tea, because he mention about tea earlier. I'm really glad he didn't see my wrecked self now.

I kept fidgeting in my place, I was sitting on his small sofa in the living room. 

Empty living room, without any decoration or something which can figure out his personality.

Again, I can't help but curious. He always managed to make me feels like that. 

But most importantly now, what should I say to him, what should I do?

Why the hell I said "Can I go to your place?", indeed I'm crazy already.

I didn't realize he was staring at me then sitting beside me at the sofa, I was so busy creating monologue in my mind.

"So, what should we do now?" 

I shift my gaze on my left side, he's already sitting beside me, smirking, tea on the table in front of me. Okay Min Yoongi, you are attractive and you have to stop doing that smirk on purpose.

I clear my thought, and collecting myself.

"Do? I mean... I didn't mean it like that.. You know,.. it's not what I mean by "going to your place", please don't assume anything. 

I thought it's going to rain, so I just thought its better to.. err.. go to some place nearby? and uhm..  it happened to be your apartment. Yeah.. that's it."

I'm done for. What a lame excuse I made.

"I see, I didn't assume anything.. aren't you the one assuming some thing weird?" He said while smiling.

Damn.

I curse internally. I was going to say something, my mouth already wide opened, but I close it again as I don't have any excuses to make. Yes, I messed up.

"Wha..... okay.. never mind.. I'll go home now.. " 

I was so embarrassed and flustered, I just want to disappear to thin air, but well its because of my own foolishness though. 

I was going to leave, and already stand up but I felt a tight grip pulled me back, I was sitting again, and now Yoongi's sitting closer to me, its too close, and my hand is still in this tight grip. 

At this point I feel that my heart gonna combust at any moment.

He stared into my eyes, feeling sorry.

"I'm sorry... I was just kidding... uh..can you stay here?" He said, with his eyes piercing mine, deep to my soul, how can I say no?

But it seems my brain stop functioning, as I can't reply anything to him. Perhaps that's why he didn't let go of my hands, and I totally has no problem with that.

"Y/N.... I'm really sorry.. for my actions back in that Music Shop.. as I told you it was a really bad day for me.. it was my Mother's death anniversary...." 

He stopped for a moment, searching something in my eyes which I couldn't figure out what is he searching for.

"I know.. its not my place to share all of this with you.. I'm just.. " he stopped again, looking away from my eyes, he seems so hesitant telling his feelings to me, and somehow I feel sad about it.

"Tell me... I want to know more about you Yoongi, I want to understand you" I said, giving his hands slight pressure which still grip mine tightly. 

He look into my eyes again, and I see hope in that eyes.

He still look hesitant but he continue what he's going to say.

"My mother died.... because of me..." His eyes, looks so sad, it hurts my heart so bad looking at that eyes.. 

"If only I didn't left her while she couldn't do anything on her own.. she shouldn't have died in that fire"

He said, full of regrets.

That day.. Yoongi opens up to me.

He told me everything, at least that's what I thought.

He told me about that horrible incident, that took his mother's life. 

How he's actually able to prevent it, how he regrets it.

and also about that piece that I love the most.

Clair De Lune...

He said, its his mother favorite piece, and his also.

He love that piece as he love his mother.

But that piece and piano, he can't play it anymore as it always suffocating for him and hurts him. He can't bare the pain.

He said, playing piano and that piece burns him. and that's why he's running out of that Music Shop that day, because he's burning and can't bare the pain.

But the rain also fails to put off that flame that burns him.

How he call himself as sick person and as a broken person breaks my heart a lot.

In my eyes, he is still Yoongi, a really mysterious, attractive, yet warm person that stole my heart.

But he can't seem to love himself.

But then, he would like to fight that trauma, all because of me, he said.

I can't help but feeling happy inside.

I want to support him.

He might fail at first.

But I will support him. 

I will be his strength.

That's what I thought back then.

But it was a mistake.

I shouldn't have support him to fight, 

I shouldn't have start the fight, 

I shouldn't have been the reason for him to start the fight.

Because in the end, it kills him.

Because in the end I failed to give him my full support, 

the one that he really need.

the words that he really need.

I failed to give it to him.

All because of my weakness and selfishness..

I still remember that day, we talked all night long..

but somehow I didn't feel like we talked for a long time.

to be honest I can spend an eternity talking to him like that, looking into his eyes, holding hands.. and just talking.. 

but as much as I want to spend time with him.. my body can't resist getting tired.. and he notice that..

"It's late already.... you can sleep in my room.. and change into something comfortable..you can pick whatever my clothes in the closet" he said while letting go of my hands.

I don't want to part yet, I want to be with him. I was going to say, lets sleep together or something along that line. But thank God, my brain still working well, otherwise it will turn into something scandalous.

So I just nodded, I feel a tug in my heart, I really don't want to part yet.

I just gaze at his back while he's leaving the living room going somewhere. 

and I just went into his room, to sleep after changing to something comfortable.

Lying on his bed, my mind keep wandering. 

One hour, 

two hours passed. 

I can't seem to fall asleep. I keep thinking about him. 

How he must have felt day by day after his Mother died. 

While he blamed himself, his trauma, his pain. My heart starts to hurt. Did I fall too deeply? But I didn't regret it. 

Yet, I want to know more. 

It's really strange and amazing how love did to me, while it's also betrayed me in the past. 

A little image of my father flashed passed by in my mid, and I shake that away. 

I don't want to remember that man. Just NO.

As I was thinking about a lot of things, two hours passed. 

I didn't sleep at all, and I don't seem to be able to sleep. 

So I walked out of the room. I guess I want to check on Yoongi.

I saw him sleeping on the sofa, looking uncomfortable and without a blanket on. 

So he slept like this when I first spend the night in his apartment. I can't help but feeling sorry, so I brought the blanket and laid it on top of him to keep him warm.

I crouched down, to look at his sleeping face. 

He is really cute, I admit. 

How he sleep with his arm as pillows, its too cute, too beautiful.

How he breathe slowly and steadily is like music to my ears, somehow it calm my mind. 

I was resting my head on the arm rest of that sofa, tilting my head so that I can still see him sleeping.

Again, he is so cute and attractive even while sleeping. 

His mint hair, is what attracts me the most. How that hair suits really well with his face, it still amazed me.

I can't help but wanting to feel that hair.

I stroke his hair gently, pushing it to the side of his face.

Staring to his sleeping face makes me remember the pain which he told me.

How he had going through so much pain by himself.

How can I ease that pain?

How can I erase that sorrow?

How can I make him happy, forever, all the time of his life?

I was thinking a lot of thing when I realized he's awake and stared back at me.

He hold my hands which stroked his hair earlier.

I smiled. He did as well.

"You aren't sleeping.. ?" He said with his raspy voice, still holding my hand, he placed my hand on his cheek.

That eyes again. Sadness and regret. 

"Yoongi ya...... 

how can I ease your pain ?" I said. 

I guess I got too carried away, But that's what I really felt. 

I want to ease his pain, to erase it if possible. I would do anything.

He smiled weakly and look into my eyes.

"Y/N.....

"Please stay by my side...

I think..

I like you..

no..

I love you"

He said.

Strangely it didn't make me flustered, instead I felt only warmth. 

My heart feels really warm, it's a bliss.

"I like you too.." my words came out without me realizing.

He smiled, and that warms my heart even more

And at that moment his smile was genuine, it was not a fake nor sad smile.

"That's enough.. for now" He said while his eyes slowly closed.

I rest my head on the armrest.. looking at this sleeping face again..my eyes feel heavy..

and finally we both drift to sleep.. while holding hands.. with a smiled painted on our face..

That day.. is happiness.

...........

To Be Continued

...........

Sooo, Part 5 done. I cringeeee. I think I'm not good at expressing love moment between them. Well, I have not experienced love that much. LOL at my love life.

But anyways, next part will breaks me even more. I think I'm not ready to write about Yoongi's final moment. TT_____TT.

That's why I kind of drag the story a bit, forgive me.

But well, I will update for sure in next part.

So see you, and hope you enjoy.

Please be healty and happy

Byee