Anyway, lets jump to the Part 2.
TRIGGER WARNING!
This story contains angst, a deep dark one (abandonment, severe self blame and hatred)
So please don't read it if you are not comfortable.
Please stay safe and healthy.
You can read 1st part here,
[BTS Fanfiction] Burn Part 1
Burn - Part 2
We are just a fool in front of love..
Cause no one ever teach us how to love..
And love doesn't spare us to learn..
Jungkook POV.
That was the day Noona finally back to Korea.
Finally she will be back living with us, that man my father and my soon to be mother to be exact. They have not registered their marriage yet, but well, me and my father already move out and live with my soon to be mother.
Am I happy?
I don't know.
It's just that.. my heart was warm, cause of Noona. I don't even know why.
I still remember our first meeting, it was so awkward. Because our parents, all of sudden invite us for dinner together, without having any idea that they have intention of getting married.
I was so confused, but well.. I don't really care back then, it's that man's business, I don't have to care about.
But Noona, perhaps she thought I felt uncomfortable so she approach me first. I still remember how she smiled and patted my head at that time.
"You must be shocked.."
She said while we were out at the garden of that Japanese style restaurant we dined in.
Being a brat I was back then, I just shrugged and ignore her, then sat on the bench at that garden.
She follows me in, sitting beside me, eyeing me while sighing.
"I'm also shocked, but well.. if its for our parents happiness.. I guess we have to get along" She said.
I was gonna said, I don't care, and we don't have to get along or some harsh words along that line, but then.. she pat my head gently, I was surprised, and look at her.
"Your name is Jungkook right? It will 3 months then we will meet again, I promise to take care of you well"
She said while smiling, her hand still on my head.
I feel strange, there's no one who ever did this to me. Promise me to take care of me well, and comfort me.
My heart feels really warm. I was drowning in her smile at that time.
I thought, ah this is how it feels having a family, a sister.
I smiled unknowingly, but she didn't see it, I was actually relieved that she didn't see it.
It's just I didn't like that someone can see what I truly feels, yes I was a brat at that time.
After that day, my life was back to its monotonous pace. I moved to Noona's house already, but it feels the same, the same empty house as the one I was living with that man, my father. It's just he and his woman treat me as something invisible.
But I don't care, it was always this way, I have accustomed to this.
I can't expect anything more, for them to care for me genuinely?
it's impossible, no one ever does that.
But at least I have my bros, I have six bros to be exact, they are not the best I know, but I feel like they're more than family than my own so called family. I spent my days hanging out with them, I didn't go to college, I just didn't have the ability, my bros didn't either but they pursue their own way, their own dream which somehow I envy about, cause I have none.
Hanging out with them help me to run away from the emptiness inside my heart.
Everyday, I got home late, no one cares anyway, perhaps even if I died, no one wouldn't care, no one..
My monotonous life has to come to and end after that night.
I received a call.
He said he's from Police.
He said that man, my father and his woman died in a car accident.
I feel nothing.
And I just answered that call with a yes and a repeated yes.
Again I feel nothing, I didn't feel like losing something, because I don't have anything in the first place.
And I guess.. it's one good thing of not having anything?
But someone's face flashed in my mind right after receiving the call.
Noona..
What will she feels, she just lost her mother.. unlike me, she really loves her mother.
What should I do?
What should I tell her?
Imagining her crying brings pain to my chest, and I don't even know why..
I just thought, ah so I really think of her as my own sister. It amaze me I have the ability to feel like that for a person other than my six bros which I care deeply.
But, seems like I don't have to tell her anything.
Another call came in, and I heard her crying
She keeps chanting it must be not true, it must be dream, she didn't believe it, she didn't want to believe.
It hurts so much to hear her crying and sounds so brokenhearted.
Yet, I can't bring myself to say anything, which I regret a lot.
"Jungkook ah, wait for me, I will back now with first flight possible this morning"
She said while crying.
And then the call was cut off.
It was as expected, I can't do nothing. Noona did all of the funeral arrangements, even after her long flight from US.
I know well she's tired, she's sad, and heartbroken.
One night, after all funeral ceremony and all of it ends, I saw her sitting in the kitchen. Staring at empty spaces, her eyes looks dead, and I saw she cried again.
Her tears rolled down her cheek, she didn't wipe it, she let her tears rolled down like a stream.
It's really hurts me seeing her like that. Noona who smiled at me warmly and pat my head gently, now gone.
How I wish I could makes her smile like that again.
But, at that time, I didn't do anything, and I really hate myself for that.
The next day, it really surprised me. Noona was cooking breakfast and ask me to eat with her.
I feels really awkward, because I never had breakfast, let alone having breakfast with someone, sitting together in my own home dining room.
"Jungkook ah.." She said while sitting in front of me.
" This week been really hard.. Are you okay? Please talk to me if you need someone to talk to" she said while giving me warm gaze.
How come she can think of that? I feel like I didn't deserve her concerning me to that extend.
"I'm okay......." I said shortly.
"I will be back to US tomorrow..."
I was surprised.. but I tried to hide it, I just keep eating my food, trying to ignore.
"But don't worry, in 2 months, I will be back here.. I decide to just stop.. well.. science is not my thing anyway"
She said, trying to sound nonchalantly, but I know it was not. I know she really want to pursue and continue her study, I was trying to say that it's okay if she go back to US.. but I didn't say anything, I just feel like it was not my place to say anything about her life.
The day after, she really went back to US.
I was feeling bad about it, but happy at the same time.
And I was feeling a bit guilty for that.
But why was I even feel happy? I didn't know.
After two months, she really back, at least after receiving her call that she's at the airport I'm convinced that she really is back.
I always forbid myself to expect anything, not someone's promise, not someone's care.
But she really keeps her promise, for the unworthy being as me.
That was the day Noona finally back to Korea.
And their fateful encounter happened.
Do I regret that?
Yes...
If only I could turn back time..
That day, my house was a mess. I'm living in that house alone since that incident happened. And as expected, being an irresponsible brat I am, I can't keep everything at bay, my whole house was like a ship wreck.
I was panicking. I can not let Noona sees this, not after her long flight. just no.
I was at my bros usual place to hangout at that time, we usually hang out in an old school near the beach, people said its haunted, but well its even more comfortable for us because no one hardly ever going there because of the rumour.
I was scratching my head trying to figure out how to magically make my house from a ship wrecked to a damn fine and tidy place.
"Guys, let's play at Jungkook's house shall we?" Suddenly Yoongi hyung said to the guys.
I was quite surprised, but Yoongi hyung gives me signal.
I told him that Noona will back today, and the mess my house was in.
"I'm okay with that! sounds fun!" The other hyungs gladly agreeing Yoongi hyung idea.
Okay so one problem solved. At least I will have my house cleaned up with my bros help.
That day we spent a whole afternoon cleaning up my house, of course with the hyung's complaints and swears at me jokingly, how can a house be in that kind of wrecked state. I'm just smiling sheepishly.
I was so relieved that my house now seems like a decent place to live in, not that clean though, because what can you expect from 7 men cleaning abilities. I keep fidgeting on my place, sitting on the sofa in the living room. My bros was nowhere to be found except Yoongi hyung. Perhaps the other guys went out to buy some drinks.
Yoongi hyung always looks calm, or tired? He rest his head back, sitting on the sofa next to me.
While closing his eyes, he said "Do you always feel this anxious when your Noona come?"
I don't even understand his questions, I don't even realize that I look anxious.
"What do you mean, hyung?" I asked, really don't understand his questions.
"I mean.. it really strange that there's someone you put concern at... well.. other than us.." he said with his raspy voice, he's really tired I guess.
I was still processing his questions when the door bell rang. I immediately thought it was Noona, and I was right.
"Jungkook ah! Tts been so long, well its not that long though" She said while smiling cheerfully and hugging me.
I was kind of shocked by the hug but immediately I thought, Ah its American culture, and told myself repeatedly that its normal between siblings.
Noona still looks the same, of course, the last time she's here was only 2 months ago. But I was really glad she looks more cheerful. Her smile warms my heart again, I still don't know why.
I was so caught up with the moment, until forgetting that Yoongi hyung was there. He was still sitting on the sofa, now he sit right up and look at us. No expression in his face, as usual.
"Ah.. Yoongi hyung, this is Y/N Noona" I said while saying to Noona and guide her to where Yoongi hyung was sitting.
Yoongi hyung immediately stood up, and shake Noona's hand.
Noona was smiling. that smile that warms my heart.
At that time, I didn't know that same smile gives same or even severe effect on Yoongi hyung.
That Yoongi hyung who is nonchalant about everything, who close his heart to everyone except us.
Someone whom I can relate a lot. Someone whom I loved dearly as brother.
I always wondered, if I can turn back time, when should I go back, to change everything, to prevent us from burning each other.
Is it that time when they first met?
Or even earlier than that?
Or perhaps... the one who shouldn't have met Noona is me..
Or perhaps... I shouldn't have live at the first place..
.......
To Be Continued
........
Okaaay so Part 2 done, its only Jungkook POV I know, I really think that Jungkook POV can describe best what happened at that time.But well. please let me know your thought.
Next part, gonna be Yoongi POV. I promised to update on next weekend. I'm trying to be consistent.
So, for the title, I think "Burn" is quite good?
I still coulnd't think of other title, please let me know if you have any ideas again.
Aaand, the grammar is a mess! I hope someone can do some editing for the grammar (lol I wish)
Well then, hope you enjoy this short update, and see you on next part!
Byeeh
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